i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
