Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
