Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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