He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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