I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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