he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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