I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
