You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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