First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
