ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
