i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
