if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
