She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
