watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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