Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
