big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she peed on how many people?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
