Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
