so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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