So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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