can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
