he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
