His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
