I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
