Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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