I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
