We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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