I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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