I puked a lego.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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