Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
