Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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