i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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