Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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