how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
