So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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