After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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