I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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