he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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