Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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