I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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