My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
