member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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