Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
