Can i not drive my cunt home
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
