i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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