Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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