Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
