Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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