did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm passing your future prison.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have fence marks all over my body
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
