I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
