Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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