Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
