theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
