I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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