I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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